yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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