despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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