it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
