Yo dont text me then not text me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hippo gnu deer
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
