So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize