I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
