I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
