just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
