So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
