the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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