Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
