Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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