Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
