There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
third nipple confirmed
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
