thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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