Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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