why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
