"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
