where am i from again
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
