I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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