Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
