hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
