I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize