if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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