My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize