I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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