You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
