I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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