Sry I called you an 8
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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