Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
