man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
