she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
