the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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