I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
