honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Text me some of your sweat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
