Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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