just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
