I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
