I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
