My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize