I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
