woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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