I wanna bring you to show and tell
it was like eating out sand paper
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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