the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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