my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
