i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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