He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
