boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
