My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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