well you can't waste a boner
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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