I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
