She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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