I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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