Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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