Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
