I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
