What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
