I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
