It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
