nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
