If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
