My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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