Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
