Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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