Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and she was petting her beer can
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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