I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
