we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
