she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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