Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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