Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
