the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
